So I've been in a funk all week. My usual busy routine has been lack luster and near non-existent. I was excited that this would be my final year of my 20s. But something snuck up on me and now I'd rather just not go crazy for the day. I've always been a HUGE fan of my birthdays but I'm just not feeling it this year.
NO, it's not the number that's really bothering me--it's just another number anyways, I could care less. Getting older is part of life you can run all you want but there's no running from it.
When I confided in a friend about this feeling she asked what I thought it was that was bothering me. I guess it's a few things really. The minimal one being, I plan for a living there's something not as fun about it anymore and I really didn't feel like putting the effort into planning my birthday event(s) this year. The second being the missing people in my life to celebrate it with. For one, I'd never have imagined that I wouldn't get to celebrate my "big 3-0" without the woman who gave it to me. It weighs on my heart to know that I don't get to physically celebrate with my mom anymore. The second (and I don't fault him for this at all, we are not "well off" and in a matter of a month we'll have seen each other twice) but the downfall of being in a long distance relationship is the lack of physical presence that you get at points in the relationship. I wouldn't trade him for ANYTHING, I love him forever and always...but this is a time when the long distance parts sucks.
So add those all up and my butt has been lazy all week--factor in my dad getting sick with the flu while visiting my grandpa and me getting into a car accident the day after Thanksgiving and I'm all out of positive attitude. It's not to say that my gratitude is lacking--it's not. I'm beyond grateful that I'm getting to see my 30th birthday as I know there are many in this world who haven't. I'm grateful to have had a wonderful loving mother for 26 years of my life. I'm grateful to have AMAZING friends and family who love and care for me day in and day out. I'm grateful to be able to host some of my nearest and dearest friends on Saturday to celebrate my 30th. I'm grateful that no one was seriously injured in the accident. I'm grateful that (although not a pleasant experience) dad only had the flu. I'm grateful to be a healthy 30 year old (and now an INSURED one, just in case). I'm grateful for the new clear vision that I'll get to begin my 30s with! Above all I'm grateful for the abundance of LOVE in my life.
So I may be in a funk now...but maybe this is just the "calm before the storm" and I'll snap out of it. But until then I know it's ok to feel the way I am and will deal with it--sure to wrap it all up by the time my birthday rolls around (I only get 4 more days anyway)!
Happy birthday to all the Sagitarians out there!
You truly are such a beautiful and blessed individual!! I love you very much, and I wish you the very best always!! :) I know it sucks to not be able to be around/with the people who mean A LOT to you; but know that they are probably feeling just as lonely/sad without you being near them?! Long distance definately sucks; but it's the moments that you both will/do get to be with each other that counts the most!! :) And your mom loves you so very much, and I'm certain she'll be celebrating your birthday in Heaven and singing you a birthday song with Michael Jackson!! ;) <3
ReplyDeleteWishing you the Happiest Birthday, Ever!! ;) <3 <3