My appologies for not writing for a month! This is always a busy time of year for everyone....this year it is especially busy for me it seems and finding some peace and sanity seems almost impossible. Between my sister's wedding that we had to plan in three weeks the week before Thanksgiving, hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the first time, planning and hosting my birthday, writing papers for school, studying for finals, hosting my family for brunch for my birthday, attending events in supoprt of my friends/family, Christmas shopping/decorating/card writing, etc....whew....we do all this in a month? No wonder why Santa takes the whole rest of the year off!
But amist all the craziness....i have to admit, it's my favorite time of year. I may hear those Christmas carols over and over and over again-and some of that may be while fighting the hords of shoppers at the mall for that perfect gift, it doesn't matter b/c in the end it always makes me smile. I always love this time of year. It reminds me of my mom, which i can't lie that does make me tear up at times....but I know that she's always with me still. Its a matter of getting used to how she is with me now versus before. No matter though, this time of year gives me comfort. It makes me smile because of all the happy memories I have of it.
So during all of the cooking, baking, hosting, travelling, wrapping, shopping, writing, working, cleaning, etc....how do you find peace? Where do you go for solitude and comfort?
For me, its not so much a physical space but a mental one. Sometimes it is in the midst of my baking or cooking. I have physically done those actions so much that I just know how to make them without using the receipe so I mentally go into a state of meditation. But for others cooking is a chore.I always find peace in church, especially in our chapel on campus. Its an old mission style chapel-gorgeous. And so many times when I am on campus I will find myself there. Ironically it is in the center of campus. No matter your denomination it is a sererne place to just relax and reflect. Recently, I have been turned on to a podcast from East Coast Believers (http://www.eastcoastbelievers.org/), Norm's last 5 sermons he's talked about prayer. It's really made me think-for all the years of Catholic school i went through, i really was never taught about prayer. Effect prayer is not a laundry/Santa wish list, it's a conversation. When he said this it just seemed so profound to me. For so long that's how i prayed, but it never seemed effective. Not because my prayers weren't answered, they were, but something about it just didnt seem right. It felt like i went to someone, barked an order, then walked away before they could say anything. Why would you do something for someone if thats how they talked to you? I dont think I would. So I am working on my prayer. Daily there is always something I can be praying for, its not like a Miss America speech..."i pray for world peace." Um no...dont get me wrong, i do want world peace- we all do. But I need guidance for me and my life. I need to get questions answered for my smaller things before i can take on world peace.
So while it may seem simple to you. I encourage you to take time out of your busy holiday schedule and set aside some peaceful solitary time. You can do it, you just need a couple of minutes. Give it a chance. I bet you will feel better just from getting a few minutes of peace and quiet from all the hustle and bustle.
You know, i still laugh at this but, my mom used to "talk to herself" while doing things. I'd walk in while she was cooking or gardening alone, i'd see her mouth moving, her eyes and head moving too as if she was in a deep conversation with someone. I'd laugh and she'd then realize that she was no longer alone and ask me what i wanted. I'd giggle at her and ask her who she was talking to. She'd just shoo me out and tell me to go find something productive to do. I realize now, looking back, that she was praying. She got it, she understood what effective prayer was. I strive to do the same. My mom was a good person, she took care of her family and many others. She cared a lot for people. I'd be blessed to become half the woman my mom was.
So find peace in your chaos through prayer this season.
Happy Holidays! .
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Sunday, November 8, 2009
I’M THANKFUL FOR TIME…..
This year and every year prior (well for the last 3 years) our group of girls has gotten together around Thanksgiving and we write a “letter” for what we are thankful for that year. Some, most, are quite touching. We reflect on the year and sometimes those memories are happy and others are sad. Usually, I’m not going to lie, I leave my letter to write at the last minute but this year it just came to me…I’m thankful for time.
A lot has gone on recently….babies (born and on the way), weddings, move ins, back to school, revelations, growth, loss, “aha” moments, arguments, break ups, soul mates, etc. So much time….
I recently found out my mom was stage four cancer from the beginning. And when I found out I was surprised b/c I wasn’t upset about not knowing from the beginning. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that my mom isn’t here but it does make me more grateful for the last 18 months I did get with her. Statistically, she shouldn’t have had that much time. We were blessed…I was blessed with time….
After a few family mishaps I met with one of my cousins to “hash” things out…finding out about my mom’s cancer came up. She said, “See aren’t you upset that you didn’t know that sooner?” I replied no…I looking back I wouldn’t change how we as a family did anything about her cancer. I wouldn’t have wanted to act like it could be her last Holiday with me just b/c of how sick she was. Why would I treat her like she was dead already? No, I’m not upset, I happy that I was blessed with the time I got with her…that we all got with her.
About the same time of the loss of mom I experienced being unemployed….I got a whole year of that. But looking back I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t be happy if I was still there, I probably wouldn’t have had the time I needed to properly grieve the loss of my mom and grandma, and I wouldn’t be on the path I am now…the right path towards a better and happier future. The time off gave my time to be with myself to reflect and time with my family to connect. I used to talk to my mom daily about life. I didn’t have that anymore…but with that time my dad and I grew closer. I tell my dad everything now…the time blessed me with a better relationship with my dad, I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
During the time off I also had my “aha” moment for what I wanted to do the rest of my life. Not finding a job was frustrating at first but then I realized that maybe I wasn’t finding one b/c I wasn’t looking in the right place for one. So I thought about it. What do I really want to do the rest of my life? After a great deal of time pondering this question I realized that teaching was what I was put here to do, high school to be specific and so here I am months later back in school on the path to be a teacher. Ironically, I got two jobs following my start of my 2nd chapter of college life…I’m back in this game but I wouldn’t be if I didn’t use the time I got wisely.
Time off allowed me to take the pounds off too! For years I’ve worked at losing and keeping off the weight and this year I made that happen. I can’t really tell you what specifically it was but the time spent working out made me happy and healthy. It gave me time to get away from all my frustrations and clear my head. Working out got me back on track with life. With the weight loss it’s giving me more time here with friends, family, and loved ones.
Again, with this time off I got to spend more time with my friends. I reconnect with old friends and became closer with new friends. I learned who were my true friends and who would be there for me no matter what. Time is too precious for us to waste it. I came to really understand that while tomorrow is always within reach it is never in our grasp.
Finally, with this time I also seemed to find something I wasn’t really looking for at the time…or so I thought I wasn’t. At first I hesitated to reflect on this but I realize with all the time invested and the feelings invested it is more than worthy of the time to reflect. The feelings I have felt over the last 9 months are feelings that I have never felt-mostly great feelings but scary at times being that it is a road not traveled yet for me. I’m walking into this somewhat blind-well metaphorically speaking, we know I’m literally practically blind. But this person has become so close to me and me with him all the while being more than 2,000 miles away. The time spent with this person has been time well spent…it has brought us closer together making 2,00+ miles feel like 2 inches. It’s had both of us reflect on both of our paths to realize that we fit into each other’s lives. Loving him is natural and right. While I don’t know what tomorrow may hold for us, I treasure today and every day we have together.
This year and every year I am thankful for time. I chose to not hold grudges, to workout any difference I may have with someone, to not go to bed angry, to seize each moment & memory, to feel blessed for each day I wake up, to make the most of every challenge God throws at me, to be healthy, to love and be loved.
A lot has gone on recently….babies (born and on the way), weddings, move ins, back to school, revelations, growth, loss, “aha” moments, arguments, break ups, soul mates, etc. So much time….
I recently found out my mom was stage four cancer from the beginning. And when I found out I was surprised b/c I wasn’t upset about not knowing from the beginning. Knowing that doesn’t change the fact that my mom isn’t here but it does make me more grateful for the last 18 months I did get with her. Statistically, she shouldn’t have had that much time. We were blessed…I was blessed with time….
After a few family mishaps I met with one of my cousins to “hash” things out…finding out about my mom’s cancer came up. She said, “See aren’t you upset that you didn’t know that sooner?” I replied no…I looking back I wouldn’t change how we as a family did anything about her cancer. I wouldn’t have wanted to act like it could be her last Holiday with me just b/c of how sick she was. Why would I treat her like she was dead already? No, I’m not upset, I happy that I was blessed with the time I got with her…that we all got with her.
About the same time of the loss of mom I experienced being unemployed….I got a whole year of that. But looking back I realize that it was a blessing in disguise. I wouldn’t be happy if I was still there, I probably wouldn’t have had the time I needed to properly grieve the loss of my mom and grandma, and I wouldn’t be on the path I am now…the right path towards a better and happier future. The time off gave my time to be with myself to reflect and time with my family to connect. I used to talk to my mom daily about life. I didn’t have that anymore…but with that time my dad and I grew closer. I tell my dad everything now…the time blessed me with a better relationship with my dad, I wouldn’t trade that for anything!
During the time off I also had my “aha” moment for what I wanted to do the rest of my life. Not finding a job was frustrating at first but then I realized that maybe I wasn’t finding one b/c I wasn’t looking in the right place for one. So I thought about it. What do I really want to do the rest of my life? After a great deal of time pondering this question I realized that teaching was what I was put here to do, high school to be specific and so here I am months later back in school on the path to be a teacher. Ironically, I got two jobs following my start of my 2nd chapter of college life…I’m back in this game but I wouldn’t be if I didn’t use the time I got wisely.
Time off allowed me to take the pounds off too! For years I’ve worked at losing and keeping off the weight and this year I made that happen. I can’t really tell you what specifically it was but the time spent working out made me happy and healthy. It gave me time to get away from all my frustrations and clear my head. Working out got me back on track with life. With the weight loss it’s giving me more time here with friends, family, and loved ones.
Again, with this time off I got to spend more time with my friends. I reconnect with old friends and became closer with new friends. I learned who were my true friends and who would be there for me no matter what. Time is too precious for us to waste it. I came to really understand that while tomorrow is always within reach it is never in our grasp.
Finally, with this time I also seemed to find something I wasn’t really looking for at the time…or so I thought I wasn’t. At first I hesitated to reflect on this but I realize with all the time invested and the feelings invested it is more than worthy of the time to reflect. The feelings I have felt over the last 9 months are feelings that I have never felt-mostly great feelings but scary at times being that it is a road not traveled yet for me. I’m walking into this somewhat blind-well metaphorically speaking, we know I’m literally practically blind. But this person has become so close to me and me with him all the while being more than 2,000 miles away. The time spent with this person has been time well spent…it has brought us closer together making 2,00+ miles feel like 2 inches. It’s had both of us reflect on both of our paths to realize that we fit into each other’s lives. Loving him is natural and right. While I don’t know what tomorrow may hold for us, I treasure today and every day we have together.
This year and every year I am thankful for time. I chose to not hold grudges, to workout any difference I may have with someone, to not go to bed angry, to seize each moment & memory, to feel blessed for each day I wake up, to make the most of every challenge God throws at me, to be healthy, to love and be loved.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Thrive!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11
I'm not the "Bible Thumping" type but this Sunday I missed church...been working a lot and had a lot-in general-going on and my body physically needed to recuperate...I was going on two hours of sleep. So point being I missed what I have lately found to be a weekly solace ritual that I need physically, emotionally, and mentally this week being no different. But I missed it. Someone close to me also does this on Sundays and was talking to me about what his church was preaching about today. Then I get a message that has his church's sermon on podcast! Really?!? Church on TV and podcast now? Got to love society today, so convenient! LOL...so I checked out today's sermon. The pastor covered a lot but the root of the sermon was about vision and following your true vision. The obvious aspect of life to pertain this to is career, but it goes deeper than that. In 40 minutes Pastor Norm covered SO much! And I loved every minute of it b/c I swear he was talking to me and about my situation right now. It is funny how things happen in life. It was ok that I missed a day at my church b/c I needed to hear what this man had to say!
One of the things I wanted to share with ya'll that Pastor Norm said was about how we look at things. We all know that my eyesight sucks but it’s not about what you see with your eyes that always matters. It is deeper then that. With all that goes on in life it is easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of our lives and fail to see beyond that. We, more often then not, will focus on the negative parts of our life then we do the positive ones. I've been talking to some of my friends about what is going on in my life right now and I've said that same line to each of them. This is the happiest time of my life but yet there are some things going on right now for me that are making this a bad part of my life too. While I am not running from these issues or ignoring them, I chose to focus more on the positive aspects of my life and be GRATEFUL for those blessings in my life. Life happens, to all of us....what separates us from the rest is how we deal with life. How we chose to deal with what cards we are dealt. Do you go and hide when you see a dark cloud on your horizon or do you embrace the fact that not every day is sunny and clear? I am one of those people who, literally, loves the rain. Storms excite me! What most people thrive from sun, I get when there is a wicked storm going on! Don't get me wrong I'm not all doom and gloom, I love the sun. But there is something exciting about a storm that I love and embrace and welcome. Now I’m not saying it’s a metaphor to life and that I love drama....quite the opposite! But what I am saying is that I don’t focus on the negative and let it run my life. I accept it and with the help of loved ones I deal with it. We are always so quick to feel like our life is falling apart...we go Chicken Little on ourselves..."the sky is falling!" But really...it's not the end of our world....it's a rough patch...it happens...deal with it, find the positive in it, and move on. Life is too short to dwell on all that.
Back to vision...something that I wish I had better of...in regards to eyes that is. But the vision that was being discussed was actually about our life vision. I thought, graduating from college, I had this all figured out. But the fact of the matter is, that after a few years of being out of college I was not only going with the wrong vision I didn’t know what my vision was. Life then threw me a curve ball and I was somewhat forced to stop and evaluate my life. Where I was, where I was going, where I was meant to go....I know and believe that we all have a purpose in life...we weren’t just put here to kill time. So what was I still here for? If I wasn't supposed to be here and I filled my purpose...well I wouldn't be here writing to you now. But the fact is I’m still here. So I had about 9 months to figure this all out. What did I come up with you may ask?
Well I started this blog and I told you I was a 27 year old (which isn't old until your classmates weren't even alive for the big '89 earthquake in SF!) who was/is going back to school. So...here I am working two jobs (and still supplementing partially with unemployment...no one ever thinks they are going to need that, myself included, until they do...), going to school three days a week, and trying to still live and enjoy life with those she loves. I am not just going to school for fun or to kill time I finally realized during my time off and looking for work that part of the reason I wasn't finding anything was b/c I was looking in the wrong places. I didn't want to go back into the industry I was in. It was fun and exciting but I didn't have quality of life, none of the managers there did! And it wasn't what I was meant to do with my life. I know in my heart that I am here to help and to teach...and I finally realized that I was put here to teach. No, my ultimate goal is not to become the head of the Education Department for the US...it is to teach! More specifically I'd like to teach high school students. The feeling I had after finally coming to this realization was amazing! Really, it doesn’t sounds profound or amazing but the feeling I got when I had my "aha" moment was almost blissful! I just knew it. It's like when someone asks you how you know that person is the one....you almost can’t specifically explain it, you just know...its just right! High school is such a crucial point in life...really it's a make it or break it point for kids...why wouldn't you want to be there to help one...yep even if its just one its worth it!
So I ask you...what is your vision? Are you living it, working towards it, preparing for it...?
Because if you aren't working on it then what are you wasting your time doing? We are not promised tomorrow, yesterday is done, so live life in the NOW! Life is too short and we only get one chance...make the most of it. I'm far from perfect but if I die tomorrow I can at least die knowing I tried and was working in the direction I was meant to go.
I'm attaching the link if you want to listen...it doesn’t matter what denomination you are, if any. They are quality words worth listening to.
Have a Happy and Blessed Tuesday!
PS: Sorry I missed last week ya'll!
http://eastcoastbelievers.org/322272.ihtml
I'm not the "Bible Thumping" type but this Sunday I missed church...been working a lot and had a lot-in general-going on and my body physically needed to recuperate...I was going on two hours of sleep. So point being I missed what I have lately found to be a weekly solace ritual that I need physically, emotionally, and mentally this week being no different. But I missed it. Someone close to me also does this on Sundays and was talking to me about what his church was preaching about today. Then I get a message that has his church's sermon on podcast! Really?!? Church on TV and podcast now? Got to love society today, so convenient! LOL...so I checked out today's sermon. The pastor covered a lot but the root of the sermon was about vision and following your true vision. The obvious aspect of life to pertain this to is career, but it goes deeper than that. In 40 minutes Pastor Norm covered SO much! And I loved every minute of it b/c I swear he was talking to me and about my situation right now. It is funny how things happen in life. It was ok that I missed a day at my church b/c I needed to hear what this man had to say!
One of the things I wanted to share with ya'll that Pastor Norm said was about how we look at things. We all know that my eyesight sucks but it’s not about what you see with your eyes that always matters. It is deeper then that. With all that goes on in life it is easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of our lives and fail to see beyond that. We, more often then not, will focus on the negative parts of our life then we do the positive ones. I've been talking to some of my friends about what is going on in my life right now and I've said that same line to each of them. This is the happiest time of my life but yet there are some things going on right now for me that are making this a bad part of my life too. While I am not running from these issues or ignoring them, I chose to focus more on the positive aspects of my life and be GRATEFUL for those blessings in my life. Life happens, to all of us....what separates us from the rest is how we deal with life. How we chose to deal with what cards we are dealt. Do you go and hide when you see a dark cloud on your horizon or do you embrace the fact that not every day is sunny and clear? I am one of those people who, literally, loves the rain. Storms excite me! What most people thrive from sun, I get when there is a wicked storm going on! Don't get me wrong I'm not all doom and gloom, I love the sun. But there is something exciting about a storm that I love and embrace and welcome. Now I’m not saying it’s a metaphor to life and that I love drama....quite the opposite! But what I am saying is that I don’t focus on the negative and let it run my life. I accept it and with the help of loved ones I deal with it. We are always so quick to feel like our life is falling apart...we go Chicken Little on ourselves..."the sky is falling!" But really...it's not the end of our world....it's a rough patch...it happens...deal with it, find the positive in it, and move on. Life is too short to dwell on all that.
Back to vision...something that I wish I had better of...in regards to eyes that is. But the vision that was being discussed was actually about our life vision. I thought, graduating from college, I had this all figured out. But the fact of the matter is, that after a few years of being out of college I was not only going with the wrong vision I didn’t know what my vision was. Life then threw me a curve ball and I was somewhat forced to stop and evaluate my life. Where I was, where I was going, where I was meant to go....I know and believe that we all have a purpose in life...we weren’t just put here to kill time. So what was I still here for? If I wasn't supposed to be here and I filled my purpose...well I wouldn't be here writing to you now. But the fact is I’m still here. So I had about 9 months to figure this all out. What did I come up with you may ask?
Well I started this blog and I told you I was a 27 year old (which isn't old until your classmates weren't even alive for the big '89 earthquake in SF!) who was/is going back to school. So...here I am working two jobs (and still supplementing partially with unemployment...no one ever thinks they are going to need that, myself included, until they do...), going to school three days a week, and trying to still live and enjoy life with those she loves. I am not just going to school for fun or to kill time I finally realized during my time off and looking for work that part of the reason I wasn't finding anything was b/c I was looking in the wrong places. I didn't want to go back into the industry I was in. It was fun and exciting but I didn't have quality of life, none of the managers there did! And it wasn't what I was meant to do with my life. I know in my heart that I am here to help and to teach...and I finally realized that I was put here to teach. No, my ultimate goal is not to become the head of the Education Department for the US...it is to teach! More specifically I'd like to teach high school students. The feeling I had after finally coming to this realization was amazing! Really, it doesn’t sounds profound or amazing but the feeling I got when I had my "aha" moment was almost blissful! I just knew it. It's like when someone asks you how you know that person is the one....you almost can’t specifically explain it, you just know...its just right! High school is such a crucial point in life...really it's a make it or break it point for kids...why wouldn't you want to be there to help one...yep even if its just one its worth it!
So I ask you...what is your vision? Are you living it, working towards it, preparing for it...?
Because if you aren't working on it then what are you wasting your time doing? We are not promised tomorrow, yesterday is done, so live life in the NOW! Life is too short and we only get one chance...make the most of it. I'm far from perfect but if I die tomorrow I can at least die knowing I tried and was working in the direction I was meant to go.
I'm attaching the link if you want to listen...it doesn’t matter what denomination you are, if any. They are quality words worth listening to.
Have a Happy and Blessed Tuesday!
PS: Sorry I missed last week ya'll!
http://eastcoastbelievers.org/322272.ihtml
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Swimming in the Ocean...
So many times I've said that I feel like I'm barely "keeping my head above water." Metaphorically speaking in the sense that I'm on the verge of "drowning." However, today, I realized that I was looking at it from the wrong perspective. It's not that I am metaphorically drowning but that there are times when life feels like I'm swimming in a pool or a calm lake. But other times it feels as if I'm swimming in the ocean. Why the swimming metaphor instead of the drowning one? Simple! Drowning infers that I have, or am in the process of, giving up. Well giving up just isn't my style. So I realized that it's not that I'm drowning its just that sometimes there is so much going on, so much on my mind, that I feel like I'm swimming in the ocean.
So for those of you that have not that the opportunity or pleasure or swimming in an ocean let me help paint this picture for you. Swimming in a pool is the easiest form of swimming. You are in a controlled environment-no need to worry about Mother Nature, or the temp of the water, or the current, etc. You are in probably about 80 degree water, no animals, no current, no weather elements to factor in....So even if you are Michael Phelps, sorry but you aren't considered an expert swimmer in my book until you have done some swimming, and survived it, in the ocean-especially the Bay Area waters! Yikes, even I’m not that daring! Here is why. Swimming in the ocean you have the elements of weather to contend with, the current (which can make you swim your hardest and get no where), you have ocean life, etc. It takes a lot of energy and a strong person, physically and mentally, to be an ocean swimmer.
Today I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean swimming and just realized it. I thought I was in a pool but when I came up for air I realized that I was in the middle of the ocean swimming. Why is that? Well I have two jobs-I went from no job for a year to two now. I am going to school three times a week and somewhere in there I am trying to have a social like and some time to myself to rest/relax. But today, this week, as much as I'd like to think I am Super Woman, I know I'm not. I know that she is just a character I can be for Halloween and a comic book character. She is fiction and this is real life. I am not 21 anymore where I was able to work three jobs and go to school full time. There is a lot more going on in my life then there was when I was 21. I am not the same person physically or mentally that I was at 21.
While this is not my giving up speech, it is my coming to face reality speech. Drowning isn't an option for me, what is an option is trying to figure out how to keep swimming without "killing": myself. We all have our limits, and knowing our limits is what is important. Knowing what we are capable of doing and doing it successfully is important. It is not about quantity but quality sometimes. I drove my life into the ground by not keeping up my quality of life b/c I was trying to do too much. I am not going to get caught up in that again. So while I may not spend every minute of my free time with my friends, it's not b/c I don’t love you, it's b/c I love myself and I know when I need some R & R time. We all do.... learning to say "no" sometimes is a good thing. I know that I can't be going to school and working and have the same social life I did when I was unemployed.
Caring for you first is what is important-it's not selfish. It's like someone once told me, it's like the emergency procedure instructions they give you on a plane. You set up your oxygen mask first before you help anyone else, including your child. What good are you if you are unconscious!
So today was a combination of my body physically telling me to slow down/back off a little and my mind needing some R & R. It was a warning sign that I chose to pay attention to, knowing now that if I hadn't paid attention to it, later on down the road it may back fire on me.
So I choose to see these times as me swimming in the ocean and fighting the current. Not b/c that's not the direction I should be going in., but b/c life and no one is perfection. We need to work hard to play hard and to reap the rewards we want in life. But in the process we also need to know our limits and know when we need a little break. Trying to drive on an empty tank won't get you far.
So for those of you that have not that the opportunity or pleasure or swimming in an ocean let me help paint this picture for you. Swimming in a pool is the easiest form of swimming. You are in a controlled environment-no need to worry about Mother Nature, or the temp of the water, or the current, etc. You are in probably about 80 degree water, no animals, no current, no weather elements to factor in....So even if you are Michael Phelps, sorry but you aren't considered an expert swimmer in my book until you have done some swimming, and survived it, in the ocean-especially the Bay Area waters! Yikes, even I’m not that daring! Here is why. Swimming in the ocean you have the elements of weather to contend with, the current (which can make you swim your hardest and get no where), you have ocean life, etc. It takes a lot of energy and a strong person, physically and mentally, to be an ocean swimmer.
Today I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean swimming and just realized it. I thought I was in a pool but when I came up for air I realized that I was in the middle of the ocean swimming. Why is that? Well I have two jobs-I went from no job for a year to two now. I am going to school three times a week and somewhere in there I am trying to have a social like and some time to myself to rest/relax. But today, this week, as much as I'd like to think I am Super Woman, I know I'm not. I know that she is just a character I can be for Halloween and a comic book character. She is fiction and this is real life. I am not 21 anymore where I was able to work three jobs and go to school full time. There is a lot more going on in my life then there was when I was 21. I am not the same person physically or mentally that I was at 21.
While this is not my giving up speech, it is my coming to face reality speech. Drowning isn't an option for me, what is an option is trying to figure out how to keep swimming without "killing": myself. We all have our limits, and knowing our limits is what is important. Knowing what we are capable of doing and doing it successfully is important. It is not about quantity but quality sometimes. I drove my life into the ground by not keeping up my quality of life b/c I was trying to do too much. I am not going to get caught up in that again. So while I may not spend every minute of my free time with my friends, it's not b/c I don’t love you, it's b/c I love myself and I know when I need some R & R time. We all do.... learning to say "no" sometimes is a good thing. I know that I can't be going to school and working and have the same social life I did when I was unemployed.
Caring for you first is what is important-it's not selfish. It's like someone once told me, it's like the emergency procedure instructions they give you on a plane. You set up your oxygen mask first before you help anyone else, including your child. What good are you if you are unconscious!
So today was a combination of my body physically telling me to slow down/back off a little and my mind needing some R & R. It was a warning sign that I chose to pay attention to, knowing now that if I hadn't paid attention to it, later on down the road it may back fire on me.
So I choose to see these times as me swimming in the ocean and fighting the current. Not b/c that's not the direction I should be going in., but b/c life and no one is perfection. We need to work hard to play hard and to reap the rewards we want in life. But in the process we also need to know our limits and know when we need a little break. Trying to drive on an empty tank won't get you far.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Gratitude is the key to life....
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. I can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."-Melody Beattie
While I had this whole profound idea to write about tonight...it all went out the door when I had this thought conjour up! So stick with me here but I promise while many and both ideas fed off of the quote above....this thought does still connect....
I work at a gym...we all know that, Most of us know that I used to work at the gym about four years abo too. This is the company where I got my first taste of management. Thought I liked it which is why I moved on into a different management position with a different company all together. Ironically I went from the Fitness idustry into the food industry....Haha....even as i type that i shake my head at the irony of it! Well while i am not in the industry again as a manager I am here, again. But i dont see this as going backwards at all. I get to be here as a front desk person, I dont have the stress or worries of a manager, i see things a little differently now.
Tonight I noticed this one woman, maybe mid 20s...who knows, i'm blind and she's of Asisan decent so has good genes and they always look younger then what they actually are! Anyways....she had to be no bigger than a toothpick! Seriously! I barely saw her when she'd turn into her profile! I have skinny friends ok...just because i'm a big girl doesn't mean i only have big girl friends! But this girl...woman, was SKINNY!! She had to be no bigger then a 00..or are there negative sizes for women's clothing?? I wouldnt know, i've never seen anything less then an 8 in my life time, and i barely remember the size 8! LOL
Point being, while I may be voluptuous, fat, curvacious, heavy, obese, big boned, fluffy, etc....I NEVER want to be that thin! I dont even want to be thin! I want to be heathly and still keep my curves! Dont get me wrong, being big (however you want to vall it) has it's health downfalls but I do my part to stay healthly. For one I work and workout at my gym on a regular basis, i keep active in general, I eat heathly (except once a month and we all know that week its all bets off...sorry but you fight mother nature and her gift!)....I am happy with myself....
Dont get me wrong, big women and skinny women alike have their image issues. I dont think that being lighter will solve all my image issues...hell i once was the size i want to be now and i know then i wasn't happy with it! So as a woman, i may never entirely overcome those image issues. But i'm going to be heathly trying!
For me my workouts keep me mentally balanced. Its a stress and energy release for me....i have a bad day i can go to the gym and run it off and leave it there! Eating good and heathly food makes me feel good. I have better energy levels, better complexion, better dietary track...etc. So these ways have their positive sides while being a challenge at times in the long run its worth it for me.
My point...hey, bear with me, its 330am....but my point being that...image issues are an internal thing. I once had the body i now want and didnt want it then, I thought I still needed to be smaller! Its been a struggle my whole life. The difference then vs now? It was society impressioning me and making those decisions...not ME! So the important part in all this....stay fit, healthly and active...not because of peer pressure or society. But because you want to. Those women out there struggling to lose the weight...its a mental thing! I say it b/c I know it! I have tried for years to lose the extra baggage but it wasnt until this last year that i was able to drop and keep off 45 lbs! It was me who made the decision, not anyone else. Skinny or fat, you'll never be happy with what you look like until you accept who you are...until you are grateful for the body God blessed you with.
I was blessed with curves, LOTS of them! Now I learn to manage those curves and keep them in proper propotion. I want to be more of a Queen Latifah body type, not a Kate Moss...but hey thats just me...you be who you want to be! And be happy, grateful, and content with it! Be grateful you have a life to live with, two legs that allow you to walk, arms to hug someone with, hands to touch and feel, eyes to see...be grateful for who you are! I am!
While I had this whole profound idea to write about tonight...it all went out the door when I had this thought conjour up! So stick with me here but I promise while many and both ideas fed off of the quote above....this thought does still connect....
I work at a gym...we all know that, Most of us know that I used to work at the gym about four years abo too. This is the company where I got my first taste of management. Thought I liked it which is why I moved on into a different management position with a different company all together. Ironically I went from the Fitness idustry into the food industry....Haha....even as i type that i shake my head at the irony of it! Well while i am not in the industry again as a manager I am here, again. But i dont see this as going backwards at all. I get to be here as a front desk person, I dont have the stress or worries of a manager, i see things a little differently now.
Tonight I noticed this one woman, maybe mid 20s...who knows, i'm blind and she's of Asisan decent so has good genes and they always look younger then what they actually are! Anyways....she had to be no bigger than a toothpick! Seriously! I barely saw her when she'd turn into her profile! I have skinny friends ok...just because i'm a big girl doesn't mean i only have big girl friends! But this girl...woman, was SKINNY!! She had to be no bigger then a 00..or are there negative sizes for women's clothing?? I wouldnt know, i've never seen anything less then an 8 in my life time, and i barely remember the size 8! LOL
Point being, while I may be voluptuous, fat, curvacious, heavy, obese, big boned, fluffy, etc....I NEVER want to be that thin! I dont even want to be thin! I want to be heathly and still keep my curves! Dont get me wrong, being big (however you want to vall it) has it's health downfalls but I do my part to stay healthly. For one I work and workout at my gym on a regular basis, i keep active in general, I eat heathly (except once a month and we all know that week its all bets off...sorry but you fight mother nature and her gift!)....I am happy with myself....
Dont get me wrong, big women and skinny women alike have their image issues. I dont think that being lighter will solve all my image issues...hell i once was the size i want to be now and i know then i wasn't happy with it! So as a woman, i may never entirely overcome those image issues. But i'm going to be heathly trying!
For me my workouts keep me mentally balanced. Its a stress and energy release for me....i have a bad day i can go to the gym and run it off and leave it there! Eating good and heathly food makes me feel good. I have better energy levels, better complexion, better dietary track...etc. So these ways have their positive sides while being a challenge at times in the long run its worth it for me.
My point...hey, bear with me, its 330am....but my point being that...image issues are an internal thing. I once had the body i now want and didnt want it then, I thought I still needed to be smaller! Its been a struggle my whole life. The difference then vs now? It was society impressioning me and making those decisions...not ME! So the important part in all this....stay fit, healthly and active...not because of peer pressure or society. But because you want to. Those women out there struggling to lose the weight...its a mental thing! I say it b/c I know it! I have tried for years to lose the extra baggage but it wasnt until this last year that i was able to drop and keep off 45 lbs! It was me who made the decision, not anyone else. Skinny or fat, you'll never be happy with what you look like until you accept who you are...until you are grateful for the body God blessed you with.
I was blessed with curves, LOTS of them! Now I learn to manage those curves and keep them in proper propotion. I want to be more of a Queen Latifah body type, not a Kate Moss...but hey thats just me...you be who you want to be! And be happy, grateful, and content with it! Be grateful you have a life to live with, two legs that allow you to walk, arms to hug someone with, hands to touch and feel, eyes to see...be grateful for who you are! I am!
Monday, September 21, 2009
A New Sun Rise=A New Buginning
You notice how we always want to start something new-whether it be a routine, diet, workout regimen, job, look, etc.- on a Monday?? Why is that? Or the first of the month or year.... if its about it being a new beginning, don't we get that every day? Every time the sun sets it rises again on a new day. It brings us another opportunity to start anew. So why do we still wait for a New Year's resolution, the first of the month, a Monday, etc. to start something new in our lives?
Today as I was lying in bed listening to the radio I heard one of my favorite songs come on the radio. This is a song I love for the lyrics not just for the instrumental aspects of it. It is Reba McIntyre’s "I'm a Survivor". I've copied and pasted my favorite lyrics below....
"I don't believe in self-pity
It only brings you down
Maybe the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing’ fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
.... I’m a survivor"
Where am I going with all this "new beginning" and "survivor" talk?? Well, we all have our moments.... many of you know the struggles I have faced this past year, and it is not to discredit anyone else's struggles but hey this blog is about my life. It's interesting how what we think we could never survivor we do. A year ago I would've never thought I'd be doing what I am right now. What is that? Well I'm back in college working towards my Masters, I'm working two jobs (a volleyball ref and back at 24 Hour Fitness working the front desk at nights), living on my own, in a long distance relationship, preparing for my sister's wedding, visiting my Mom via my prayers/heart/soul/the Italian cemetery where her body lays to rest, following a strict budget, being creative with how I make money (completely legal, get your minds out of the gutter), 40 lbs less, being "college student" broke but working on becoming debt free, strictly platonic with my ex, etc. That list could go on, I am here all night with not a whole lot to be doing...but I will stop there, you get the point. Looking back, none of these changes happened b/c I said, "Monday I'm going to..." or "My New Year's resolution will be.../" or "The beginning of next month I'm going to....” No sir!
We are guaranteed two things in life...death and taxes. That's it. Everything else we make happen, and if we wait for tomorrow to make it happen it may be too late. After losing my mom (and then many close people to my after that) I was reassured how fragile life is. How little of a guarantee it is. How if we wake up in the morning, well hell, that's a damn good start to a day! Lot's of people aren't blessed with that. My next blessing each morning is that I am physically able to get up and get out of bed, on my own! If I can do that, well then I "woke up on the right side of the bed" and have a good foundation to face the rest of my day.
While I may gripe about being here and being bored or sleepy, I'm blessed to have a job. Not just a job but for a company that I like and respect and am proud to work for! I haven't had a job for a year! Meaning I haven't officially been on a payroll anywhere for a year!
I trained with a kid last night (my first official night on the job) that is 22. Without even asking him that I guessed he was about 21 or so. He was funny, young, naive, but a good kid in general. He kept making fun of me b/c I kept finding stuff to do to keep me busy! He started to feel like he was being lazy. But what he doesn't get is not that I'm trying to be the new hire suck up. But I was excited to be at work. I had a job. Not that I was a manager before for this company and so wanted to get things done here but I had a job! It was a great feeling to have!!! I have it written into my planner for the next six months! I have a job!
Everything in life happens for a reason.... good, bad or otherwise. But the blessing in life is that while not every day may be a great one or even a good one, we get another chance at it every 24 hours! We get a new chance to start over. Not erase what happened the day before but let it go.... it’s in the past. Leave it there, learn from it and move on. Move on to your new sunrise, your new beginning!
As I finish this we are starting a new day. As my shift ends many of you will be waking up to start your day. The "starts" and "ends" of my days may be a little different now a days but I am still blessed every day with a new opportunity to live my life how I want.
Here's a link that my Dad shared with me and I thought you might enjoy...have a wonder and blessed day!
http://www.thedreamsmovie.com/
Today as I was lying in bed listening to the radio I heard one of my favorite songs come on the radio. This is a song I love for the lyrics not just for the instrumental aspects of it. It is Reba McIntyre’s "I'm a Survivor". I've copied and pasted my favorite lyrics below....
"I don't believe in self-pity
It only brings you down
Maybe the queen of broken hearts
But I don't hide behind the crown
When the deck is stacked against me
I just play a different game
My roots are planted in the past
And though my life is changing’ fast
Who I am is who I wanna be
.... I’m a survivor"
Where am I going with all this "new beginning" and "survivor" talk?? Well, we all have our moments.... many of you know the struggles I have faced this past year, and it is not to discredit anyone else's struggles but hey this blog is about my life. It's interesting how what we think we could never survivor we do. A year ago I would've never thought I'd be doing what I am right now. What is that? Well I'm back in college working towards my Masters, I'm working two jobs (a volleyball ref and back at 24 Hour Fitness working the front desk at nights), living on my own, in a long distance relationship, preparing for my sister's wedding, visiting my Mom via my prayers/heart/soul/the Italian cemetery where her body lays to rest, following a strict budget, being creative with how I make money (completely legal, get your minds out of the gutter), 40 lbs less, being "college student" broke but working on becoming debt free, strictly platonic with my ex, etc. That list could go on, I am here all night with not a whole lot to be doing...but I will stop there, you get the point. Looking back, none of these changes happened b/c I said, "Monday I'm going to..." or "My New Year's resolution will be.../" or "The beginning of next month I'm going to....” No sir!
We are guaranteed two things in life...death and taxes. That's it. Everything else we make happen, and if we wait for tomorrow to make it happen it may be too late. After losing my mom (and then many close people to my after that) I was reassured how fragile life is. How little of a guarantee it is. How if we wake up in the morning, well hell, that's a damn good start to a day! Lot's of people aren't blessed with that. My next blessing each morning is that I am physically able to get up and get out of bed, on my own! If I can do that, well then I "woke up on the right side of the bed" and have a good foundation to face the rest of my day.
While I may gripe about being here and being bored or sleepy, I'm blessed to have a job. Not just a job but for a company that I like and respect and am proud to work for! I haven't had a job for a year! Meaning I haven't officially been on a payroll anywhere for a year!
I trained with a kid last night (my first official night on the job) that is 22. Without even asking him that I guessed he was about 21 or so. He was funny, young, naive, but a good kid in general. He kept making fun of me b/c I kept finding stuff to do to keep me busy! He started to feel like he was being lazy. But what he doesn't get is not that I'm trying to be the new hire suck up. But I was excited to be at work. I had a job. Not that I was a manager before for this company and so wanted to get things done here but I had a job! It was a great feeling to have!!! I have it written into my planner for the next six months! I have a job!
Everything in life happens for a reason.... good, bad or otherwise. But the blessing in life is that while not every day may be a great one or even a good one, we get another chance at it every 24 hours! We get a new chance to start over. Not erase what happened the day before but let it go.... it’s in the past. Leave it there, learn from it and move on. Move on to your new sunrise, your new beginning!
As I finish this we are starting a new day. As my shift ends many of you will be waking up to start your day. The "starts" and "ends" of my days may be a little different now a days but I am still blessed every day with a new opportunity to live my life how I want.
Here's a link that my Dad shared with me and I thought you might enjoy...have a wonder and blessed day!
http://www.thedreamsmovie.com/
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Do you back up your HD?
I know for most of you tech geeks, HD refers to "high def" but in this case I'm referring to "hard drive." More specifically I'm talking about my mental hard drive. It crashed today!! I'm mean full on crash! Smoke coming out of the ears, tears out of the eyes and immediate shut down. Tried preventative prior to the crash by relaxing on the couch upon my arrival home and then taking a nice relaxing shower with candles and music but no such luck on a save!
At approximately 5:15pm on Wednesday, September 16, 2009 (Feliz dia de independencia, to all my Mexican friends!) my mental hard drive crashed-in my parents’ house and in the care/presence of my Dad. Poor Dad....there's a mess I'm sure he never thought he would have to deal with! Mom was always there to take the brunt of those. Not to say he was never willing-no, no, no....Dad was always ready and willing but I being a girl...ok a girly girl....would default to Mom to help in this department.
You know those days, and now as we are older (sorry guys but it's the facts of life) we can foresee usually what time of the month we will have this mental crash. Well, me knowing this but also knowing that so much has happened in the last three weeks alone felt that God was testing me yet again. Testing me to see how much I can handle. Testing me to see if the path I am on is really and truly the path that I want to be traveling down. I said it before school started; I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone stand in my way. I was going to finish this semester and then start my MA in Leadership in January and then be locked into SMC for the next three years with two Masters Programs and a credential program.
Let me tell you, God (and whoever else is out there) has had no problem testing me to really push me to see if this is what I want! There is a quote that I've clutched to over the past year and really believe. Mother Theresa said it, "I know God wouldn't give me anything that I couldn't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." Last year we know why I took to that quote. This year I thought, well hell if I was able to get through what last year threw at me then I can get through anything. While I still believe this, I also know that life will not be a cake walk for me either. I have worked long and hard to get what I want and will continue to do so. No free rides for me. Breaks? Yes, I've learned to take breaks when and as I need them. I've learned through being in the business world that balance is very important.
Here's my life now, and yes I promise I am still balancing....School as a student three days a week, work four days a week, and school as a "teacher"/observer one day a week. I know, I know...there are only seven days in a week and I am looking very booked up there. Where is my balance? It's there. I have plenty of social events in there too and I'm making sure that every week I make time for me. How? Well just like we balance our budgets, I am keeping a schedule/calendar same as I am keeping my budget. Not a whole lot of deviation allowed but there's a little bit of cushion.
So if I have it all organized how did I crash three weeks in? Duh! I'm human...I'm not Superwoman or Wonder woman! As much as I wish I am at times, I'm glad I don’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders, because the weight of my life is enough to bear. But I have great family and friends here to help me out. Keep me focused, grounded, loved, supported, etc. I have cheerleaders here even if the one I always had is no longer physically here with me. That woman made herself known at all my games, meets, and tournaments when she was here I know she will make herself known from now on too!
So just like computers my hard drive was "reset" and thanks to Dad I'm back on course!
Don’t forget to “back up” your hard drive and reset every now and again as needed. Proper care will prevent crashes!
At approximately 5:15pm on Wednesday, September 16, 2009 (Feliz dia de independencia, to all my Mexican friends!) my mental hard drive crashed-in my parents’ house and in the care/presence of my Dad. Poor Dad....there's a mess I'm sure he never thought he would have to deal with! Mom was always there to take the brunt of those. Not to say he was never willing-no, no, no....Dad was always ready and willing but I being a girl...ok a girly girl....would default to Mom to help in this department.
You know those days, and now as we are older (sorry guys but it's the facts of life) we can foresee usually what time of the month we will have this mental crash. Well, me knowing this but also knowing that so much has happened in the last three weeks alone felt that God was testing me yet again. Testing me to see how much I can handle. Testing me to see if the path I am on is really and truly the path that I want to be traveling down. I said it before school started; I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone stand in my way. I was going to finish this semester and then start my MA in Leadership in January and then be locked into SMC for the next three years with two Masters Programs and a credential program.
Let me tell you, God (and whoever else is out there) has had no problem testing me to really push me to see if this is what I want! There is a quote that I've clutched to over the past year and really believe. Mother Theresa said it, "I know God wouldn't give me anything that I couldn't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." Last year we know why I took to that quote. This year I thought, well hell if I was able to get through what last year threw at me then I can get through anything. While I still believe this, I also know that life will not be a cake walk for me either. I have worked long and hard to get what I want and will continue to do so. No free rides for me. Breaks? Yes, I've learned to take breaks when and as I need them. I've learned through being in the business world that balance is very important.
Here's my life now, and yes I promise I am still balancing....School as a student three days a week, work four days a week, and school as a "teacher"/observer one day a week. I know, I know...there are only seven days in a week and I am looking very booked up there. Where is my balance? It's there. I have plenty of social events in there too and I'm making sure that every week I make time for me. How? Well just like we balance our budgets, I am keeping a schedule/calendar same as I am keeping my budget. Not a whole lot of deviation allowed but there's a little bit of cushion.
So if I have it all organized how did I crash three weeks in? Duh! I'm human...I'm not Superwoman or Wonder woman! As much as I wish I am at times, I'm glad I don’t have the weight of the world on my shoulders, because the weight of my life is enough to bear. But I have great family and friends here to help me out. Keep me focused, grounded, loved, supported, etc. I have cheerleaders here even if the one I always had is no longer physically here with me. That woman made herself known at all my games, meets, and tournaments when she was here I know she will make herself known from now on too!
So just like computers my hard drive was "reset" and thanks to Dad I'm back on course!
Don’t forget to “back up” your hard drive and reset every now and again as needed. Proper care will prevent crashes!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Dreams and Nightmares
dreams.honda.com
A few days ago after telling a friend about my nightmares that I had been having, I was sent this link. Slightly perplexed as to what Honda Motors had to do with my nightmares I asked him. He said it might give me some insight to my nightmare and its meaning. My nightmares were about my mom and what I lived though with her battle of cancer. How did Honda Motors play into this? I got the "just watch it and you will know why I sent it to you." So being the good Catholic girl that I was raised to be I followed instructions.
I'm an artist at heart. I've been painting, drawing, coloring, creating, etc since I was old enough to hold a brush! But growing up in a home with two scientifically minded people I also had a bit of "left brain" in me. So the combination of the two developed the very unique individual that I am today! I say this because throughout my life I have learned that to stay "sane" I must regularly utilize my outlets. They tend to let me "blow off steam" from regular life stress, work (or now school) stress, frustrations, obstacles, etc. What I have learned is that my outlets are primarily one of two things; creative outlet and energy outlet. The energy one I fulfill by keeping a gym membership and I am there fairly regularly (as of late, well I havent been there so often). My creative outlet I will exert through writing (such as this blog) or painting/drawing/sketching/etc. In my little studio apt I have set aside a designated area for my art supplies and a desk where I can perfom/work on these pieces. There's been a piece laying there untouched for about two months now. I keep them out so people can hold me accountable and I hold myself accountable. But realistically I havent made time for any art lately. And just like a much needed workout....I should be picking up a brush soon/
So back to Honda and my nightmares. ....Well if you go and check out the link yourself, specifically the one about Dreams and Nightmares you will probably understand why my friend sent me the link. My nightmares, which thankfully ceased last night, are a manifest of myself. I need to pick up a brush and let out what is bouncing around up there! Not to say that I'm going to have a phase of "dark art" but just that my energy needs to be released. And for me, being that my nightmares were about my mom, my art will reflect my mom and who she was. So stay tuned, my next blog may be a photo of my latest piece of art!
In addition to, I've survived my 2nd week of school. It's going by so fast! Before I know it my semester will be over and it will be January and my new program will be starting!! Can you believe that it will be 2010?!? I feel like I read books in school that told of the future in 2010 and here we are on the brink of it! Ok that's a different blog! For now I will leave you with Dreams vs. Nightmares. The whole documentary series is worth watching, check it out!
Until next time!!!
A few days ago after telling a friend about my nightmares that I had been having, I was sent this link. Slightly perplexed as to what Honda Motors had to do with my nightmares I asked him. He said it might give me some insight to my nightmare and its meaning. My nightmares were about my mom and what I lived though with her battle of cancer. How did Honda Motors play into this? I got the "just watch it and you will know why I sent it to you." So being the good Catholic girl that I was raised to be I followed instructions.
I'm an artist at heart. I've been painting, drawing, coloring, creating, etc since I was old enough to hold a brush! But growing up in a home with two scientifically minded people I also had a bit of "left brain" in me. So the combination of the two developed the very unique individual that I am today! I say this because throughout my life I have learned that to stay "sane" I must regularly utilize my outlets. They tend to let me "blow off steam" from regular life stress, work (or now school) stress, frustrations, obstacles, etc. What I have learned is that my outlets are primarily one of two things; creative outlet and energy outlet. The energy one I fulfill by keeping a gym membership and I am there fairly regularly (as of late, well I havent been there so often). My creative outlet I will exert through writing (such as this blog) or painting/drawing/sketching/etc. In my little studio apt I have set aside a designated area for my art supplies and a desk where I can perfom/work on these pieces. There's been a piece laying there untouched for about two months now. I keep them out so people can hold me accountable and I hold myself accountable. But realistically I havent made time for any art lately. And just like a much needed workout....I should be picking up a brush soon/
So back to Honda and my nightmares. ....Well if you go and check out the link yourself, specifically the one about Dreams and Nightmares you will probably understand why my friend sent me the link. My nightmares, which thankfully ceased last night, are a manifest of myself. I need to pick up a brush and let out what is bouncing around up there! Not to say that I'm going to have a phase of "dark art" but just that my energy needs to be released. And for me, being that my nightmares were about my mom, my art will reflect my mom and who she was. So stay tuned, my next blog may be a photo of my latest piece of art!
In addition to, I've survived my 2nd week of school. It's going by so fast! Before I know it my semester will be over and it will be January and my new program will be starting!! Can you believe that it will be 2010?!? I feel like I read books in school that told of the future in 2010 and here we are on the brink of it! Ok that's a different blog! For now I will leave you with Dreams vs. Nightmares. The whole documentary series is worth watching, check it out!
Until next time!!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Day 1, Week #2
So I have survived week #1 of back to school! Now here I am beginning week #2 and I find myself back at my old high school and I'm an observer. For those of you not in the educational field. As a prospective teacher earning my masters and credentials I need to spend 50+ hours in a classroom observing teachers. I am watching their teaching style, interaction with students, reaction of students to their teaching methods, etc. All this towards developing my own style of teaching. Which for someone like me who doesnt have much style as it is....LOL, I'm just kidding! But I'm not 100% sure how great of a teacher I will be. I am not one to go into anything blindly so all the preaparation I can get is a plus for me.
So back on the old stompin' grounds and here with kids...LITERALLY kids...we dont realize how old me are until we have something to compare it to. So here let me help you out a bit. I'm thinking you may laugh and cry a little bit....
1)The oldest of these kids was born after the 1989 earthquake
2)Rodney King and the LA Riots are something they know about b/c they can Google it and they had to b/c when they watched him on VH1's Celebrity Rehab they didnt know who the guy was or why he was on that show!!!
3)The 80s is retro! And the clothes of the 80s are making a comeback b/c of them like bell bottoms and the clothes of the 70s did for some of us.
4)While I wasnt even allowed to have a page in HS, these kids all have (and have had) a cell phone! I got my first cell phone when I graduated from HS! A pager is something they probablly dont even know about let alone have actually seen/touched!
5)The internet is something that has always been in existence for them...DOS days um...what?!?! Typing commands to get a circle on the screen...um dude, I can make that circle into a bouncing ball with your face on it!
And there's the bell! Literally. So while I have had the first block off I now need to go to a class and observe for real. But keep in mind how different this generation is. I feel like i'm my parent's generation talking about Gen Y...what is this genereation called? Gen Ynot? They have experienced no real hardships...obstacles are something they know from history books!
So signing off, you luck out, the bell is keeping this short for you! But hopefully it made you roll your eyes, toss you head back and laugh a little, just give you a welcome break from whatever you all do out there in the working world!
Thanks for reading and talk to you again soon!!
So back on the old stompin' grounds and here with kids...LITERALLY kids...we dont realize how old me are until we have something to compare it to. So here let me help you out a bit. I'm thinking you may laugh and cry a little bit....
1)The oldest of these kids was born after the 1989 earthquake
2)Rodney King and the LA Riots are something they know about b/c they can Google it and they had to b/c when they watched him on VH1's Celebrity Rehab they didnt know who the guy was or why he was on that show!!!
3)The 80s is retro! And the clothes of the 80s are making a comeback b/c of them like bell bottoms and the clothes of the 70s did for some of us.
4)While I wasnt even allowed to have a page in HS, these kids all have (and have had) a cell phone! I got my first cell phone when I graduated from HS! A pager is something they probablly dont even know about let alone have actually seen/touched!
5)The internet is something that has always been in existence for them...DOS days um...what?!?! Typing commands to get a circle on the screen...um dude, I can make that circle into a bouncing ball with your face on it!
And there's the bell! Literally. So while I have had the first block off I now need to go to a class and observe for real. But keep in mind how different this generation is. I feel like i'm my parent's generation talking about Gen Y...what is this genereation called? Gen Ynot? They have experienced no real hardships...obstacles are something they know from history books!
So signing off, you luck out, the bell is keeping this short for you! But hopefully it made you roll your eyes, toss you head back and laugh a little, just give you a welcome break from whatever you all do out there in the working world!
Thanks for reading and talk to you again soon!!
Sunday, September 6, 2009
New Chapters...
So much has gone on this last week for me, let alone the last month or year. So lets try and sum this up quickly so I can get to the point of this blog....
So a year ago August 31st my mom past away. She battled 18 months with cancer and lost that battle. She put up a good fight but losing her, my best friend, my support, my role model left me with a feeling like no other. I was told to prepare for her loss, to get ready for her death. But to me that made no sense what so ever! Why prepare for not having in her life when I have her right now!?! I will have the rest of my life here to cope with not having her why would I miss out of all of the valuable time that I do have with her? That is what is wrong with us nowadays....we spend too much time hung up on our pasts and too much time worrying about our futures that we don't enjoy our time right NOW!
For the longest time I was saying how I would go back to school but I had to make myself more "financially stable" before I went back to school. I had to do this or that before i went back to school to work on my masters....Funny i'm unemployed now and I'm back in school. I'm the most financially strapped then I have been in my entire life and I'm back in school....what was I so concerned about? I had this idea in my head that life was supposed to happen a certain way and I was so focused on making sure that everything happened in the order I thought it was supposed to happen in that I was missing out on SO much in the now!
So this week I started back at school. I have two classes on campus three days a week and then I am spending two days in classrooms observing teachers on how they teach. In addition to that I need a way to finanacially support myself so I am looking at two part time jobs for some income so I can continue to go to school and not live out of a cardboard box! Needless to say that I am now on a strict budget financially and a strict schedule as well!
The ironic part is when I thought my life was going to "end" it really just got started. I always feared losing one or both of my parents young, like my parents did. I thought I could never survive something like that like they did. But after all of the metaphorical clouds passed.....it was so clear!
So here I am a year later...starting school...AGAIN....but working towards the goal I have always been striving for and was too clouded to see.
I'm closing chapters of my career, love and life past and starting a whole new chapter with a career goal I've never been so passionate about, friends and family who love me, and more financial smarts then I've had. Leaving my past behind me where it belongs and taking one step at a time forward towards the life I want.
Dont go making assumptions, this isn't all a sunny day walk in the park! I have a $2200 school bill due by the end of the semester plus rent and all my other regular expenses. I have two part time jobs, classes to attend as a student, and classes to attend as an observer, and a lot of distance in between me & my biggest "cheerleader" three time zones away!
But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger...and everything in life happens for a reason! I live it and believe it...
Words of wisdom from someone special....
"...you live every day as it's the last you will see someone. Meaning you try to reconcile hurt, etc. We do this because we are fragile creatures with a limited lifespan so we have to make everything that we associate in our lives count because one day we will cease to exist in everything but memories."
So a year ago August 31st my mom past away. She battled 18 months with cancer and lost that battle. She put up a good fight but losing her, my best friend, my support, my role model left me with a feeling like no other. I was told to prepare for her loss, to get ready for her death. But to me that made no sense what so ever! Why prepare for not having in her life when I have her right now!?! I will have the rest of my life here to cope with not having her why would I miss out of all of the valuable time that I do have with her? That is what is wrong with us nowadays....we spend too much time hung up on our pasts and too much time worrying about our futures that we don't enjoy our time right NOW!
For the longest time I was saying how I would go back to school but I had to make myself more "financially stable" before I went back to school. I had to do this or that before i went back to school to work on my masters....Funny i'm unemployed now and I'm back in school. I'm the most financially strapped then I have been in my entire life and I'm back in school....what was I so concerned about? I had this idea in my head that life was supposed to happen a certain way and I was so focused on making sure that everything happened in the order I thought it was supposed to happen in that I was missing out on SO much in the now!
So this week I started back at school. I have two classes on campus three days a week and then I am spending two days in classrooms observing teachers on how they teach. In addition to that I need a way to finanacially support myself so I am looking at two part time jobs for some income so I can continue to go to school and not live out of a cardboard box! Needless to say that I am now on a strict budget financially and a strict schedule as well!
The ironic part is when I thought my life was going to "end" it really just got started. I always feared losing one or both of my parents young, like my parents did. I thought I could never survive something like that like they did. But after all of the metaphorical clouds passed.....it was so clear!
So here I am a year later...starting school...AGAIN....but working towards the goal I have always been striving for and was too clouded to see.
I'm closing chapters of my career, love and life past and starting a whole new chapter with a career goal I've never been so passionate about, friends and family who love me, and more financial smarts then I've had. Leaving my past behind me where it belongs and taking one step at a time forward towards the life I want.
Dont go making assumptions, this isn't all a sunny day walk in the park! I have a $2200 school bill due by the end of the semester plus rent and all my other regular expenses. I have two part time jobs, classes to attend as a student, and classes to attend as an observer, and a lot of distance in between me & my biggest "cheerleader" three time zones away!
But what doesn't kill me makes me stronger...and everything in life happens for a reason! I live it and believe it...
Words of wisdom from someone special....
"...you live every day as it's the last you will see someone. Meaning you try to reconcile hurt, etc. We do this because we are fragile creatures with a limited lifespan so we have to make everything that we associate in our lives count because one day we will cease to exist in everything but memories."
Thursday, September 3, 2009
"I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews
So damn easy to say that life’s so hard
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well
It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well
I’m alive, and well
Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul, when there’s not a soul in sight
But this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive, and well
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessing can’t you see
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive, and well
Yeah I’m alive, and well
Everybody’s got their share of battle scars
As for me I’d like to thank my lucky stars that
I’m alive, and well
It’d be easy to add up all the pain
And all the dreams you sat and watched go up in flames
Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain
But not me, I’m alive
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessin' can’t you see
Today's the first day of the rest of my life
And I’m alive, and well
I’m alive, and well
Stars are dancin’ on the water here tonight
It’s good for the soul, when there’s not a soul in sight
But this boat has caught its wind and brought me back to life
Now I’m alive, and well
And today you know that’s good enough for me
Breathin' in and out's a blessing can’t you see
Today is the first day of the rest of my life
Now I’m alive, and well
Yeah I’m alive, and well
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