I've come to learn over time that I can--more often then not--be my biggest cheerleader and yet be my biggest obstacle. I find myself standing in my own way of my happiness, success, etc. My afterthought ends up being..."if I had just...." Ya, GOTTEN OUT OF MY OWN WAY!!!
We are a creature of habit...habits like standing in our own way but blaming others for keeping up from what we are truly meant for and to do. For slow long I pointed the finger at others for my weight gain and unhealthy habits. Until recently that is...
In going through my old room, cleaning out my creative touches of an adolescence, and reminiscing from every memento that my mom could get her hands ons and keep. I shed a lot of tears throughout the last month of doing this. But unlike before, these weren't tears of pain and sorrow. They were in recognizing what a great past I've had. How many amazing memories and gifts my parents have blessed me with. What a positive person I USED to be. So here's what I've learned form this experience...
I've been standing in my own way from being the amazing woman that I'm meant to be. My weight was just a side effect from that--not the cause. My parents gave me the foundtation that I needed to become that woman and my fear kept me from it. I found numerous cards, pictures, awards, etc that reminded me of that amazing person.
My weight gain wasn't just unhealthy habits, but the emotional baggage that I carried with me over the years. I've found pictures where I was at a healthy weight--my BMI weight==but at that point I thought I was fat. Then I found later pictures where I was fat, but didn't recognize that at that point in my life. But it was in those times that I let go of mself in more ways then one.
Anyone on a journey to a healthier and happier life will come to this point where they will realize that it's not just about better habits, smarter food choices, moving more....anyone with this amount of weight to lose or more will come to realize that it's emotional too. You have to face those issues and the happiness that you've been looking for wil be there. You can become that "skinny" person and not achieve the happiness you are looking for. Eventually, you'll end up right back where you were and more frustrated then you were the first time!
I'm not here to tell you this so you speed up that process. The time to cross that bridge will come when it's meant to come for you. I'm here to encourage you to cross that bridge when that opportunity arises for you. Don't turn around. It's not going to kill you to move forward, but it will kill you to turn your back on it.
I'm a firm believer in two philosophies on life: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "everything in life happens for a reason." You have to trust yourself in order to fully understand those two. Take it from a woman who spent the majority of her life not trusting anyone, including myself. I've stopped pointing the finger at others for my shortcomings and taken a better look at myeslf--and I'm a happy and healthier person for it!
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